Abu-Saleh at 20

(more stories from Palestine)

when I was 20 it was war time - Living in the Azarea - Quds - My father told us to leave - go to Amman - to our sisters home - "its not safe for you here, you will leave tonight" - Me, Abdul Kareem and Ali - age 5 on my back - In one day we walk 20 kilometers to Jericho - We arrive in the night and there is fire, shots ringing - bombs- we walk along the margins - staying away - other palestinians are leaving Jericho - a young boy without sharing any words saw our figures and just followed - about 12 years in age - We cross Jericho where a Jordanian Military bus is stationed - The officer calls out, "whoever is crossing into Jordan, now anyone can enter freely" - I put the children in - then myself- and the bus goes - Abdel Kareem left behind - hands slipping like in the movies - I say "if we see each other again then we see each other again - if not, there is a lord." - and Im crying - We get dropped in Jordan - still outside of Amman - Near the Dead Sea - There is a small stream filled with waste - Grass, Sheep hair Filth- I press my face in and drink - I tell Ali to drink - We needed to drink - Many refugees were stopping cars that were going into Amman - I see a family getting picked up - I think "god be with them, they are no better than me."


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A truck going to Amman picks us up and we arrive at night in the old city - Without electricity - people pierce through the dark with lanterns- I walk towards the lights - Asking for directions - I ask for directions to my sisters house - I know the neighborhood onlly by memory - I stop someone - ask - they ask - "where are you from" - I say  "Quds" - They ask, "hows the Quds?" - I say, "its gone, the Jews took it"- he screams - he throws his hands in the air - I keep walking - asking- I stop someone = ask - they ask - "where are you from" - I say "Quds" - They ask, "hows the Quds?" - I say, "its gone, the Jews took it" - he screams - he throws his hands in the air - I keep walking - asking - then a man takes me, in his car- sharing very few words - and I am outside the door of my sisters home - When I arrive she asks, "What do you want?" - I tell her, "I need to eat." - she readies a plate of kousa mahshi - I eat and sleep - the next day, I don't move - not once did I leave the bed - I couldn't - Abdul kareem arrived two days later- I see him - Crying - I stayed in Amman for 2 years - working in a restaurant - Hummus and Foul - my Sister and husband were very worried about me - One day they asked me if I wanted to marry - a young girl - from the family - and I began to cry - I was without a thing to my name - We had the engagement party the next day - the next year we were married - The wedding wasn't a wedding - It was sadness...